For the Honor of Grayscull: I - HAVE - THE - POWER!!!

I guess all the estrogen that was released for Mother's Day is really getting people's mommy power juices flowing. I read an article this past week about how influential a mere touch from a woman can be on a person's willingness to take risks. Cool, huh? And we need that mommy power these days.

After my last post, which was kind of a downer, I promised myself that the next post would be fun and light and about something pretty mindless. But then Proctor and Gamble started being really big dickheads. In case you haven't heard, Pampers (made by Proctor and Gamble) have recently come out with a revolutionary new way for moms and dads to absorb pee and poo from our babies' butts. They call it "dry max technology", and its so advanced it will leave chemical burns on your baby's skin! That's right these fabulous new diapers are being investigated by the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission due to parent's complaints that their new dry max technology is giving babies chemical burns. But while burned baby bums is terrible, the thing that's really annoying is that P&G refuses to even humor parents by investigating the claims.

One thing that is great about this whole thing is that parents are fighting back, and we are pissing P&G off big time. For example, one mom started a Facebook site (complete with pictures) that now has over 9,000 members. Pampers responded to this and other parent actions by launching a "myths vs facts" site attacking cloth diapers and defending their products as being environmentally sustainable. They are obviously scared shitless that the reports of chemical burns are going to turn people on to cloth diapers, and that once people see how easy they are, and how much cheaper, they won't be going back to Pampers. The Real Diapers Association, a cloth diaper advocacy group, has organized the next round of retaliations by soliciting mom bloggers to write their own myths vs facts pages advocating cloth diapers. What's especially funny about the direction that this is going is that many of the moms that initially complained about the diapers wanted to continue to use the old Pampers products, not move to cloth diapers. So P&G has really brought these attacks on themselves.

If you haven't seen it already my myths vs facts page is attached to this blog.

Ok, next time, a fun, light interesting post about friendly, fuzzy happy things. I swear!!

UPDATE: As of 5-22-10 Pampers took down their myths and facts page!!

Low Quality Child Care Makes Kids and Teenagers Stupid and Mean

Its true. According to a study described in the Washington Post this week low quality childcare in the first 4.5 years of a person's life can make them perform worse academically and show more aggressive behaviors than classmate who received high quality childcare. This effect lasts throughout childhood and into the teenage years.

The article, or the experts mentioned in the article, call for more government and private employers to provide access to high quality child care. I agree wholeheartedly, and can see how certain programs could improve access to childcare, but part of me wonders how you ensure that caretakers show "warmth, sensitivity and emotional support" - some of the traits that the study assigned to high quality providers. These are not traits that you can train a person to have, and they are difficult to interview for. In fact, often you really need to get to know a person to see if they have those traits, and if they will show those traits to your kid.

That makes me think that a lot of the programs that the government should put into place should be for the parents. Maybe training the parents in interview techniques that would allow them to pick out low quality vs. high quality caretakers. Or even having social worker type people that parents could talk to about their childcare choices, or who could visit some of the providers with them.

I know that many states license child care facilities, and will have people visit the facilities regularly to check in on them, but from my experience this system doesn't work. For example, my daughter spent about two weeks in an in-home child care facility that charged $1800 freaking dollars a month. We thought we were paying for quality. The ladies seemed nice, they were licensed by the county, which has some of the most strict rules in the country, and were never cited for any violations. However, after two weeks of dropping my daughter off, and then coming to pick her up at random times, and occasionally staying there for an hour or so to chat and see how she was adjusting, I discovered that they regularly violated county rules and did not do what they were telling the parents they were doing.

So, I guess what I'm saying is, its up to parents to make sure that our kids are getting the love, attention and support they need. And yes, the government should play a role in this, because really, when we have a bunch of stupid mean teenagers running around this is not just a family problem, but a societal problem. But we need a new system. Something that helps overwhelmed, exhausted, clueless parents figure this all out.

20 Things

5 Ways I Could Become A Stay At Home Mom (or at least a work at home mom)

1. I could start an online business walking people's virtual pets.
   
2. I could start a website for weirdos who like to watch people fold laundry, and then make people pay to watch me fold laundry.
   
3. I could cut down on expenses by eating nothing but peanut butter and day old bread and selling all of my clothes and dressing in newspapers held together by chewing gum.
4. I could win the lottery.
5. I could write a book that gets made into a movie.
   

5 Things I Would Do If I Were A Stay At Home Mom

1. Get my daughter dressed in the morning.
2. Take a Music Together Class.
3. Make awesome lunch with grilled cheese sandwiches cut out into the shape of dinosaurs
   
4. Teach my daughter the alphabet.
5. Sometimes nap at nap time.
   

5 Reasons I Can't Be A Stay At Home Mom

1. Money for housing.
2. Money for food.
3. Money for clothes.
4. Money for toys and classes and vacations and occasionally eating out at a restaurant and even going to a movie twice a year when we can find a babysitter.
5. Money for college and for when I'm old and gray and fat and sick and for when my daughter wants to go to summer camp.
   

5 Reasons Why I'm Lucky

1. My job is not waiting tables or working the cash register at the Safeway. The time I'm spending away from my daughter is time spent making the world a better place and making a decent salary.
2. I have an incredible husband who shares the burden of childcare, cooking and household chores.
3. I have an awesome nanny who I trust and who enriches my daughter's life.
   
4. I have an wonderful daughter who is thriving.
5. I and my entire family are healthy.
   

The Moment I Felt Like A Mom - It Was Something In the Milk

I wrote this blog post for a contest submission. The contest was looking for a post about "the moment when you really felt like you became a mother". I still haven't heard back yet about whether or not I won, but I figured I'd share it for Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day!!

It took a lot longer to feel like a mother than I expected it would. I certainly didn't feel like a mother when we came home from the hospital. My daughter was such a sleepy baby that no matter what I did I couldn't get her to nurse. The lactation consultant at the hospital told me to undress her and dab a wet washcloth on her feet to wake her up. While that made her mad enough to wake up and latch on, as soon as she started to nurse she would drift back into fetal sleep. In fact, the whole nursing experience (the pumps, the mastitis, the sleep deprivation), which I had expected to be the bridge that would bring me into motherhood, did just the opposite. Weaning after 8 weeks allowed me to finally beat the painful recurrent mastitis, find pleasure in being close to my baby, and start to get my mommy mojo.

Once I could hold my baby close to me without flinching in pain I became obsessed with baby wearing. Looking down and seeing my tiny daughter's round cheeks poking out of a Moby wrap made me feel like I was connected to the soul of the universe. I also became the master at "The Mommy Dance" - the crazy bouncy, swinging, waltz that was the only thing that would calm my hysterically screaming daughter during those "witching hour" evenings.

However, it wasn't until close to my daughter's first birthday that something clicked and I felt like my brain had really been rewired from 30 year old working professional to Mommy. What made me realize it was, of all things, whole milk. From the time my daughter was born no major decisions were made without our pediatrician's blessing. She told us what brand of formula to use, when to start solid foods, and even what kind of sunscreen to buy. But something about switching to whole milk made me realize that our daughter was not a mysterious little being with unknowable ways and incomprehensible needs. She was a little person. A little person who I knew and had known since before she was born. And I was her mom and knew what was best for her. And I even realized that I had known all along what was best for her, better than the lactation consultants during our failed breastfeeding days, and sometimes, better than the pediatrician. So, I switched her to whole milk and I didn't call the pediatrician about it. I knew how to do it, because I was, and always will be, her mom.

Why Do Our Maternity Leave Laws Suck?! A call to action.

This week I read that Save the Children rated the U.S. #28 on the best/worst countries in the world to be a mom. That's worse than countries like Estonia, Latvia and Greece. They took many factors into consideration, but one of the primary reasons why the U.S ranked so low was because of our crappy maternity leave laws. WTF?! How can our "family values" obsessed country think that its good policy to give moms a pathetically short 12 weeks of unpaid leave to recover from pregnancy and childbirth, bond with our babies, make sure they are on a good eating/sleeping pattern, and figure out the ins and outs of motherhood before we are expected to hand them off to be raised by total strangers? And because its unpaid many of us can't even afford to stay home for the full 12 weeks. So we are forced to choose between having enough money to buy food and staying home long enough to stop bleeding from childbirth and to get to know our newborns. I mean seriously - that's like Brave New World negative utopia kind of shit.

You might be thinking, "C'mon, I've read your other blog posts. I know you're a drama queen. It can't be that bad." Well, take a looksie at this chart from Forbes that shows how pathetic we are compared to other countries. I mean UK women get 90% pay for a year of maternity leave and frickin' Chile assures their moms 18 weeks of leave at 100% pay. I thought the USA was supposed to be the best. What exactly are we the best in? Because it certainly doesn't seem to be in the things that matter for quality of life.

So now that I've been a total downer in this pre-mother's day post, I'd like to beg you to take some action. The National Partnership for Women and Families has one of those pre-written letter templates that go to your Congress person asking them to expand the current Family Medical Leave Act. It'll take two seconds.

Some other orgs that are trying to do something:

• Mom's Rising
  
• National Women's Law Center

Eat Your Heart Out

I watched the movie Food, Inc (you can stream it through Netflix) the other night and I have to admit, it made me glad that my toddler daughter has stopped eating. Well, she hasn't actually stopped eating, she's just stopped swallowing. She still chews the food really well, and seems to enjoy it, but then at the last minute she pushes it out of her mouth with her tongue and happily watches it roll down the front of her shirt and onto the carpet.

However, when she does eventually decide to once again start swallowing food besides hummus and triscuits, I will definitely make sure that its organic, or at least traditionally grown. I do not want to be a part of the seriously screwed up food production that Food, Inc discusses, and I don't want to put that nasty food into my daughter's body (who's that eatin' that nasty food?).

I started looking into some CSAs and Farmer's Markets that could provide some fresh, local, organic and/or traditionally grown food. While a Farmer's Market sounds like it could actually be kind of fun with a toddler, I'm pretty nervous about joining a CSA. My impression of them from past experiences is a blur of bok choy and carrot soup. However, I did stumble upon Washington's Green Grocer, which seems almost too good to be true. Its organic food combined with the door-to-door delivery that makes life as a working mom livable. And don't worry, the guilt you are assuaging by giving your family fresh, pesticide-free food can be replaced by the fact that some of it is shipped in from far away Florida and even South America. Plus, its pricey as hell. Still, much of it is local and, if you can afford it seems like the next best thing to a CSA or Farmer's Market.

Even better than Washington's Green Grocer is South Mountain Creamery. I have been fantasizing about ordering milk from this place since before I even had a kid. I mean, they have glass bottles! That they deliver to you from a milk truck! And then the milk man comes and picks up your empties and replaces them with new ones filled with fresh, traditionally produced milk! How freaking quaint is that?! And now I have both a cute, 16 month old excuse to order at least a gallon of milk a week AND a movie that tells me I'll be a better person if I spring for the delivery charge. I am one lucky working mommy.
Check out Local Harvest to find Farmer's Markets and CSAs all over the country.

Naming A Human Is Hard: Harness the Power of Technology

Since the beginning of time parents have had to figure out what to call their burping, wiggly little sons and daughters. Tradition has always been helpful. Some communities in Ghana honor close and respected members of the community with the task of naming their kid. Some families name kids after their parents, like for example, George Foreman. In Jewish tradition children are named after a relative who has passed away. Many traditional Chinese are given a "milk" name before they're born to trick evil spirits.

But what oh what is a modern parent of the new millennium to do to find that perfect name? Why, go to your friendly neighborhood internet of course. Here, for your viewing pleasure, are a few cool web sites that I will help you name your kid, or tell you about a name you've already chosen:

• Baby Name Wizard Voyager - Type in a name to see its popularity over time. Very, very cool.
• Baby Name Explorer - this thing makes my brain feel smeary in a way that reminds me of college. It shows you names based on other names. I just wish you could enter in a name to get started with.
• Nymbler - This site also shows you names based on other names, but you get to type in a starting place. It also has a lot more info on the background of different names.
• Baby Name Map - This site shows popular names by U.S. states, Australian states as well as a few random European and South American countries.
  
• Baby Name Wizard Name Mapper - This is by the same people that did the voyager. It shows population densities with different names in different places in the U.S. throughout time.
  

Have fun!

Throw Away Society: As if there's not already enough angry blog posts on the internet

I saw three things this week that made me think I need to do a bit more to reduce my ecological footprint.

The fist was an advertisement in Parents magazine for a throw away hand towel. The ad had a picture of a grimy hand towel hanging on the towel rack in the bathroom, and next to it was a giant tissue box looking thing attached to the hand rack dispensing clean, virgin throw away hand towels for your home. Seriously, WTF, do we really need more disposable crap? That is just not cool. Its not cool that Kleenex developed that product, its not cool that Parents magazine agreed to run the add, and any Hummer driving douche that buys that product is definitely not cool.

The second was some crazy lady (i.e. the senior editor of Grist) going on about how "kids are killing the planet" (or whatever her exact words were). I completely disagree with the majority of what this lady has to say and think that she sounds kind of soulless and selfish. For example, she seems to care more about money (psst - lady, you can't take it with you, and you'll have no one to pass it on to) and losing spontaneous Saturday nights out on the town for a few years than about being surrounded by a loving family. She also seems to think that having kids somehow precludes her from having a career - what is this the 1950s? I know, I should be more accepting of the lifestyle choices she's made, but I just can't help but think this lady sounds like a bitch and is just using the whole "green" thing as a convenient excuse. There is however, one thing that I do agree with this crazy, dead inside lady about. Americans have a huge ecological footprint, and another kid means another person with that type of footprint. I believe, however, that there is hope for that, and things we can do to make that better. These things, however, do not include buying disposable hand towels from the Kleenex corporation.

The third thing that I saw this week that made me think I needed to come up with a few more ways to be more tree huggerish was at a mind numbingly boring conference I attended for my job. Trust me, you don't want me to get into the details. Suffice to say that a Native American Indian woman brought to my attention how much a process like making paper pollutes the environment (I know, that makes it sound like it was an interesting conference, trust me, it wasn't). It really made me think more about, not just the waste we produce, or the resources we use up, but the fact that the process to make all of this non-reusable crap is just terrible for our health the planet. Plus, this woman was passionate about helping to save the environment for her community, and that kind of passion is contagious.

So, here are my earth day resolutions.

1. More sponge, less paper towel for cleaning.
   
2. Reduce food packaging by buying in bulk.
3. Remember to unplug those chargers when nothing is being charged (how oh how will I remember?!?!)
   
4. Keep up with the cloth diapers, and the cloth wipes! :)
   

Bee Vision

Have you ever seen a picture of what the world looks like to a bee? The flowers are all totally different colors and even have patterns in ultra-violet wavelengths that humans don't even know exist. Becoming a parent is a lot like gaining bee vision. You suddenly become aware of a whole world of emotions and an entire pattern of life that you never fully understood before.

Some days I'm able to turn this new part of myself off when I go to work. Its weird. Its as if as I ride the train into work in the morning cards in my brain are shuffled and I become "Work Woman". Then as I ride the train home in the afternoon the cards are reshuffled and I become "Mommy Wife Lady". However, recently, I realized that I take the "mommy" side of me to the office more often than I realize, and that, when I'm not letting baby talk slip out in a meeting (I'm sure no one else remembers but I'm still so embarrassed!!) this emotional growth has actually made me a better worker. My communication skills and flexibility in the workplace have improved. I have more realistic expectations of fellow employees, and I have more understanding about the myriad of life experiences that motivate people and make up our day to day interactions. I'm also more in tune with non-verbal cues (for example I'm pretty sure that asshole in that meeting the other day was just constipated), and I think I now qualify as a multi-tasking black belt.

But in all seriousness, I think that the skills we gain as parents should be valued in the workplace, not disparaged. And when I read about the new breastfeeding law for hourly wage earners and the telework bill for feds that is in the works (notice that there are no laws to expand maternity/paternity leave in sight), I couldn't help but wonder why parents have to fight for the right to be good parents AND good employees. We aren't just distracted, slacking workers who take lots of extra sick days to take care of our kids. We have special skills and life experiences to offer as well.

Maybe employers would notice what we offer if we started putting parenthood as a skill on our resumes. Maybe list it along with "familiar with Microsoft Office" and "highly organized". Although, then our children would be called as references, which would mean that bath time would never come, we would have to read "The Foot Book" ten trillion times, and spend weeks and weeks in the sandbox. Hmm. Maybe legislation would be easier.

My iphone Told Me Not to Worry: Kid Care App Review

If someone offered to meld my iphone into my forearm I would totally do it. I freaking love the thing. And there aren't many techno gadgets that I can say that about.

Recently a friend of mine told me about an iphone app called Kid Care. Kid Care is the place where you can go for medical advice before you freak out and demand to be seen by your doctor, or worse yet, call 911 and end up with 10 very large paramedics standing in your living room looking at your smiling, cooing daughter (yes, that happened to me).

Kid Care was developed by a pediatrician, Dr. Barton D. Schmitt. It allows you to search for symptoms by alphabetical index, body area, recently viewed symptoms and a keyword search.

So lets say your kid has something nasty oozing out of her ear. You could look up ear, and then choose "ear discharge". You can then read about when to go to the ER, when to call your doctor, or when to hold off and see if you can treat your kid from home. It will also tell you how to treat from home and, for some of the medical problems, even give you some gory pictures!! (Check out the diaper rash picture. Is it just me or did someone let that diaper rash get a little out of control!? Maybe they should switch to cloth diapers...)

A couple of other things I REALLY like about this app:

• It can use your Google Map app to help you find nearby emergency rooms and critical care departments. This could be extremely helpful if you're out of town, or even on a day trip.
• They have a whole section about how to do basic things like take a baby's temperature.
• They have a section about infections - which are contagious, for how long and more. (The hypochondriac in me especially loves this section!!)
• There's also a whole section with dosage charts based on weight for stuff like Tylenol and Motrin.

Basically, this app is like having a tiny, shiny, square pediatric nurse in your pocket. And its totally free. I highly recommend it.

It Turns Out She's a Robot

The other day I read an article about what makes people, like Andre Aggasi, high achievers. At the end of the article the author says:

...it’s too easy to let admiration of such skills overshadow less visible attributes — like kindness and generosity. While I may marvel at great achievers, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want to live in a world full of them.

That got me thinking - what makes someone into a kind and generous person anyway? Do they need to be taught to be generous? Just feel empathy? Both? Its hard enough to teach your kid to share; how do you hone their sense of empathy?

Apparently empathy, or as them sciency folk call it "theory of mind", develops at age 4. So, does that mean my daughter can feel no empathy? There's just some little sociopath wandering around our living room, grabbing at everything in site and pooping in her pants? Honestly, that kind of freaks me out. It also reminds me of that Small Wonder TV show and/or Data from Star Trek - in diapers. Gross.

Anyway, those scientists' studies show that language skills and the ability to listen to, and understand, someone else's point of view are linked to the development of empathy. And more importantly, that its not genetic, but tied to people's learned ability to understand language. That seems to indicate that we can, in fact, teach our kids to be more empathetic people. But is it like language where, if you haven't learned it by a certain age it will be a very difficult skill for you to acquire? Maybe there should be programs aimed at teaching empathy to kids just like there are programs aimed at teaching language. Wouldn't that be good for society in general? Do they exist already? Can I sign half the people in the Washington D.C. area up for one of those classes?!

So many questions. What do you think? Can kids be taught empathy?

Why Its Fiscally Irresponsible To Save For Your Kids' College

Not only do I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time when it comes to parenting I'm also pretty clueless about finances. Mostly I'm just trying to squeak by, saving when I can (which isn't often these days), looking for sales, and generally doing the best I can to be fiscally responsible. Usually I'm ok with that. And then there are the days when cold, hard panic runs down my spine and the dark spidery words "college fund" pass before my eyes. I decided to do a bit of research on this topic because the unknown is always scarier than the truth, right? Right!??!?!

• So, first off, what should I be saving for first? 'Cause to be honest, I've got a ways to go: house savings, retirement savings, emergency funds...

According to this chick at U.S. News and World Report its ok that I'm putting my daughter's college fund on the back burner. I really liked this article because it made me feel smart instead of selfish and disorganized. The main point she makes is that you can get a loan for college, but you can't get one for retirement. And this lady even told me that I should buy a house before I put money in a college fund because I can always use a home equity loan to help with college expenses.

The friendly interweb also informed me that I should be putting at least 15% of my income into retirement before I consider starting a college fund for my kid. That's really good to know, because honestly, I'm not putting nearly that much away for retirement. My plan was that once we could cut down on our child care expenses I would start putting that into a college fund, but now I'm rethinking that. Sorry darling daughter. So, to sum up my priorities will be:

1. Save for an emergency
   
2. Save for a house, while putting enough in my retirement fund to get the employer match
   
3. Retirement
4. College savings

• How much should I save for college?

Most of the articles I read seemed to say that I should save as much as possible as early as possible. However, I need something a little more solid than that. One calculator I used said that if I don't start saving until my kid is 5 years old that I will need to save about $400 a month per child if I want to be able to pay for 50% of their college. This assumes that we will take out loans and/or pay at the time for the other 50%. That actually seems pretty reasonable to me, especially given the fact that imagining my child as being 5 years old and that I have $400 a month to save seems like a totally abstract fantasy to me right now. In fact, since we're talking about something 4 years in the future, and for all we know the world will be destroyed in some massive earthquake (have you noticed how many large earthquakes there have been lately??) I'm going to say that I'll plan to save $600/month.

• When do I need to start saving?

Well, again, most of the articles said as soon as possible and went on and on about how I won't have to save as much per month of I start right when the kid pops out. Well, too late for that.

• What kinds of accounts should I use to save in?

It looks like the main choices are stocks and bonds or one of those tax differed 529 accounts. There are some other options like Coverdell Education Savings accounts (can't save more than $2000 a year), as well as UGMA and UTNA accounts which are custodial accounts. The custodial accounts make me nervous because 1) Once you put the money in you can never get it back if your kid decides to go join a cult or something, and 2) the money becomes your kid's to do with as he/she pleases at age 21, even if they want to give it to a cult or something.

From what I read you want to invest your stocks and bonds in a way that will allow you to start off with more risk, but higher earning options and then get less risky/lower earning as your kid gets closer to college.

Virginia has a number of different 529 options. I'm sure other states have similar options. The one I like the most is VEST.
Pros:

• It seems like the best of both worlds because you can get the tax benefits (tax deductions, tax free interest), and you can also invest in a stock portfolio that fits your kid's age.
  
• Your kid can use it at pretty much any accredited college or university in the country.
• You can put up to $350,00 in the account
  
• If they decide not to go to college or get a full scholarship you can:

-Have up to 10 years to use the $$ for school(for grad school, etc)
-Transfer the money to someone else in the family
-Take the money out and cancel the account (but you'll be charged a 10% tax penalty)

The only thing that kind of sucks is that you can't pay for off campus room and board for your kid with that money.

So after doing the research here's my plan:

1. Buy a house (leaving enough $ leftover for an emergency savings account)
   
2. Increase my retirement savings as we decrease child care costs until we're saving 15% of our income.
3. Start saving about $600/month in Virginia's VEST 529 fund for college. At some point possibly put some of the money in a separate account to help fund the off campus high life.
   
4. Get really drunk and not think about money.

You know, that actually does seem a lot less scary now. There's nothing like a good list, and knowing that I don't have to deal with this for another 4 years, to make me feel better.

Working Mom Tip #2: Online Grocery Shopping

Yes, I feel like kind of a snob for outsourcing my grocery shopping. But seriously, when its 8 at night and I've been up since 6, having put in 9 hours at the office, and then almost 4 hours of supermom time, I'm really, really tired. So what am I supposed to do when there's nothing to eat? The first time this happened to me the choices seemed to be to either eat a ketchup sandwich for lunch tomorrow (and feed one to my daughter) or to get into the car, drive to the grocery store, walk around under those neon lights, load stuff into the basked (while humming along to Muzak and then feeling guilty and dorky about it), stand in line, load everything onto the conveyor belt, haul bags to the car, and schlep bags up to my apartment. But as I was thinking fondly about how much I like ketchup I realized that there's a 3rd way!

For about $4 plus a tip I can spend 30 minutes on the Internet picking out food and then get someone else to do my grocery shopping for me, and deliver it right to my door. Thank you Internet!!

In the greater Washington D.C. area there are 2 main choices:

• Peapod
• Safeway

I personally prefer Peapod because I think their selection and produce are better. They also have a great online system that allows you to type in your grocery list and it will then take you through your options. So for example, you type in bread and diapers into the list at the beginning. It will show you all of your bread options, then, once you've made your choice it will show you all of your diaper options, and so on until you've completed your list. It will also save your old shopping carts from previous purchases so that you can easily reorder things you buy regularly.

While it may get a little pricey to do this on a regular basis, I highly recommend it at least once a month. Being in a family with 2 working parents is a crazy life. Think of this as $4 (plus tip) therapy.

P is for Prioritize

Dog, cat, turtle, truck, dirty - those are all great words honey. I'm so proud of you for saying them. Honestly, my heart melts with joy when you point excitedly at a picture of a bunny and exclaim "Cat!". But seriously, what about saying something useful? Hungry would be a good word to learn. Thirsty, wet, hot and cold are all good ones too. And while throwing chunks of food off of your high chair does get your point across, the words "All done" would work as well.

Its a good thing you're so cute, and that you clap when I sing, laugh when I poke your belly and dance when a car drives by playing loud music. But you really need to work on your vocabulary, sweetie. Or at least prioritize a little bit.

Workplace Flexibility, Family Time, Happiness

I've recently begun to truly appreciate the flexible schedule that is the hallmark of today's working moms. With all of the whining I've been doing lately about how much I wish I could be a SAHM I've been neglecting to see how great I really have it. Of course, a big part of my change in attitude is that I've really started to take full advantage of the flexible schedule possibilities at my office. I changed my work hours from 9-6 to 7-4 and I can't emphasize enough how much that change has improved my quality of life. I'm also making a point of using my work from home days to, well, work from home, rather than going in to the office.

It isn't always easy, though. No matter how much a workplace may have official policies put in place that encourage employees to use flexible schedules and work locations, when it comes down to it those of us who use these perks are often seen as slackers. I often hear people in my office say that the people who work from home are "not the type that want to move ahead". And many people don't hide their annoyance at the fact that you can't make that 4:00 meeting because you're on your way out the door. Never mind that you've been there since 7 in the morning (well, maybe a few minutes after 7).

That's why I was excited to learn from the post in the NY Times Surprisingly, Family Time Has Grown, that our society's work norms are actually changing. According to the post:

Before 1995 women spent an average of 12 hours a week attending to the needs of their children. By 2007, that number had risen to 21.2 hours a week for college educated women...

I have to admit I'm a little skeptical of the study. I mean, if moms before 1995 were only spending 12 hours a week with the their kids that leaves 42 hours a week when the kids weren't sleeping or in school, but weren't with their parents. That's a lot of hours. What in the world were they doing? But lets suspend our disbelief and assume that these stats are accurate. What has caused this change in society? Is it purely a result of the fact that more women are in the work place? Is it a reaction against the long hours this generation saw their parents working? Is technology, despite the 45 minutes I spent at work today waiting for my computer to boot up, actually improving our lives??

Another recent post from the NY Times, The Sandra Bullock Trade (stupid title, I agree) talks about research that shows that happiness is much more of a result of personal relationships rather than income. One aspect of this article that I found particularly interesting, is that commuting is mentioned as the daily activity that decreases happiness the most. While that seems obvious, the word apparently hasn't gotten to the people in offices across the country who disparage the "working at home types". Maybe if those people didn't have to commute as often they wouldn't be such assholes.

Is our society restructuring itself to reflect a better work life balance, or is this just a swing of the pendulum? How can we, as individuals in our society, promote family and leisure time as being more important than large salaries that allow us to buy Stuff. And how can we make our priorities better reflected within the framework of the 2 income families that seem to be predominating today? To me much of this is connected to our maternity and paternity leave (or lack thereof) culture as well. But that's another post for another evening...